Jealousy and envy. Yep, that’s what is on my mind this morning. When people think about jealousy or envy, what connotations do they have? Negative? Positive? Some negative, some positive? I’d venture to say most people think negatively when they think of jealousy. If this were a technical blog piece, I would get thorough. I’d define jealousy and envy. I would quote a few sources to support my thoughts. But this ain’t that. I’m just free-flowing. On second thought, let’s quickly define.
- Jealousy – a feeling of unhappiness caused by wanting what someone else has.
- Envy – a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
I’ve been raised to feel bad or think negatively about jealousy and envy. I shunned, criticized, or judged myself when those kinds of emotions arose. Yes, I did feel jealousy and envy. And yes, I do have feelings of jealousy and envy. Still today. Almost daily sometimes. And I would mentally chastise myself because thou shall not covet thy neighbor. Right? That’s ungodly, right?
But what if jealousy weren’t a bad thing? In fact what of jealousy was an emotion that was here to help us?
Now before we go any further, for this to be of any use, we must agree to be open and honest. Can we all admit that sometimes we feel a little bit of jealousy? I get it. It only happens with you once every five years. I know. I know. So let’s just focus on that ONE time. What if that feeling were really here to help you?
Walk with me.
I see jealousy as another form of a trigger. A trigger is when something or someone sparks some negative emotion in you – irritation, annoyance, anger, frustration, etc.
Example: Perhaps you are chilling and having a good day and your husband comes in and asked what time you plan to cook dinner and you instantly get defensive. He didn’t actually DO anything, but his words did. Why? Because it triggered some underlying feelings.
The real underlying issue is that you get up every day, take care of everyone, go to work, give it your all, and STILL have to come home and cook dinner. And, on top of that, nobody really appreciates it. No one knows what it takes mentally or physically. You feel unappreciated, unseen, unheard, and undervalued. Get it? When we see those triggers repeatedly, they are often there to show us something. Something about ourselves.
I see jealousy and envy as just another trigger. It’s there to guide you on your path to your most authentic self. Let me explain.
Example: I see someone (let’s call her Lisa) who is in the fitness industry like me. She just announced that her class on macronutrients has been certified by ISSA and she is being featured in Forbes for this accomplishment. Perhaps I, in that moment, feel a little envious.
I ask myself… What is behind that emotion? Why does her blessing make me feel insecure?
[Side note:: ladies, stop acting like you are insecure. The word insecure is not a death sentence. It is a feeling. It’s an emotion. We all feel insecure at times. It’s okay.]
Again, why did it make me feel insecure? Why? Because I have a macronutrient class too, that’s why. My class is great. Mine should be board-certified. I should be featured in Forbes. Why didn’t they choose me?
You feel insecure because you have seen how Lisa works. She is so consistent. You’ve seen her market her course when she had 50 followers the same way she does now that she has 50,000 followers. You saw her promote and believe in her course for years…sharing it, using it, pitching it. You saw Lisa never click quit. You saw her fearlessly believe in herself when no one else did. You saw her get laser-focused and committed. You saw her drown out the noise of what everyone else was doing and focus on herself. And it paid off.
Meanwhile, Aprill, you have NOT been consistent. You have NOT put yourself out there. You keep shrinking because you are thinking about that time you failed 5 years ago. You keep waiting for the right time. So you have done nothing. And your results are….nothing.
But look… Lisa is here to show you what’s possible. She’s here to show you the characteristics and attributes that are within you that you haven’t tapped into. She’s shining a light on what you really desire and what you need to do to get there. Lacey Phillips of To Be Magnetic calls it an expander. Lisa, who made me feel jealous today, is here to expand me. That is all.
I’m not insecure because of what she has. I’m here to see it, process it, breathe it in and expand. So, again I say, maybe jealousy is not such a bad thing. It’s only bad if I don’t do something with that emotion and allow it to make me feel bad. Instead, I choose to allow jealousy to inspire and expand me.
So….what about you? What can envy or jealousy do for you?
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My mission is to help women overcome so that they can become. We possess the power to overcome anything that stands in the way of us living our best, most bold, most intentional life and becoming everything that we’ve ever desired for our lives. That comes with doing some work, but the work is where the magic happens. You have to show up, do the work and allow the magic to happen.
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Until next time, I leave you with light, love, and high vibrations! Toodles. Talk soon.