Trauma bonds. I guess that’s the subject today. We shall see…
I was honestly sitting here after just finishing my gratitude/reflections/affirmations/manifestation journaling process. I was thinking about relationships-again. They can be the greatest asset or greatest liability in our lives, right? They can build us up. Inspire. Encourage. Push. Press. Glean. Extract. In a way that makes us feel more powerful, more capable, and more destined for the life we desire. They can also destroy us. Deter. Disrupt. Slow us down. Confuse us. Minimize nus. Make us less powerful. Less capable. More distanced from our destiny.
Two polar extremes.
And the thing is, when we finally realize that we are in or were in a negative relationship—be it marriage, other intimate, or even a toxic friend or business relationship, we immediately blame the person. They did ‘X’ to me. He hurt me by doing ‘Y’. I’m traumatized by the physical and emotional ‘Z’ that I endured. How could someone who is supposed to love you hurt you in such a way? How can you claim to love in one breath and seek to harm in the next? Do you not realize what you are doing to me? Ahhh…such beautiful questions. But are you asking the right person????? Who’s really at fault here? After years of finding myself in one bad relationship after another, I was tired. This was not what I wanted. And finally, it was revealed to me.
What was the common denominator in each of my situations? Me.
Finally, after decades of chasing men, love, safety, and security I was tired enough to finally get still and get real. I was the common denominator. I could have left any of my negative ‘situationships’ sooner. But it wouldn’t have mattered. I would have simply replaced one ‘problem’ with another. The person wasn’t the problem. They were just a variable–like in a math problem.
3 + X = 5 The answer is always 2. You can change how the 2 appears: 2, 2, 2, 2. But, no matter what, it’s still a “2”.
I was attracting the same situation repeatedly. The name. The presence. How they dressed. Those elements varied. But, at the core, they were always the same. Emotionally unavailable, most often. My spirit was attracting me to traits, not a person. And those traits were magnets for my trauma. It’s what bonded us.
I had to finally face the reality that—until I fixed myself—life would always be the same. The variables may change. However, at the core essence, things would still remain the same. I had to ask myself some VERY tough questions.
- What was it in me that I believed that I deserved _________________________?
- Who was I that I accepted ________________________________?
- What was devoid in me that I was addicted to ____________________________?
It was all about ME. All along it was ME.
Yes, the “right” man could come along and HELP me realize the beauty in me. The value. Help me pursue healing. And, he probably DID come along. But I wasn’t attracted to him. He repelled me, or I repelled him. Our frequencies weren’t a match. I was emitting “Pick me energy. I need you. I’m broken. Let’s be broken together.” My frequency was a match for other people like me or for people/situations that would take advantage of this wounded woman.
That was a hard pill to swallow. Looking back on all the people who had access to me that NEVER should have. Who I desperately longed for. Who I practically begged to be with me. Yeah, looking back, that’s how I see it. Maybe my emotions make me exaggerate that some. But it’s how I feel. “Pick me! Choose me!” There has always been a little wounded girl within me who wanted love. Having to go back and trace that through my childhood and face some ugly truths was hard.
But necessary. And worth it.
Heal the girl and the woman will appear. I love meeting this woman. The different aspects of her. She’s still emerging. I’m still doing the work. Sometimes it’s still hard. Working on self. Facing truths. Rewiring. Reconditioning. Reworking. Rebuilding. It can be challenging. But also rewarding. Just allowing myself to freely share this message speaks to my healing. It makes me proud to be able to share; that I have allowed God to lift some heavy burdens I was carrying.
So, girlfriend, let me send some encouragement your way today. Whatever you are facing today may feel heavy. Burdensome. You may want to quit. But hold on to this…
You will declare a thing and it will be so. And light will shine on your way. Job 22:28
He who began a great work in your will bring it to completion. Phil 1:6
He anoints my head with oil. My cup overflows. Ps 23:5
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy surely comes in the morning. Ps 30:5
He gives beauty for ashes. Isaiah 61:3
Speak life over your life. His word does not come back void. Isaiah 55:11. Allow your faith to be your currency.
I love you!!!!
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My mission is to help women overcome so that they can become. We possess the power to overcome anything that stands in the way of us living our best, most bold, most intentional life and becoming everything that we’ve ever desired for our lives. That comes with doing some work, but the work is where the magic happens. You have to show up, do the work and allow the magic to happen.
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Until next time, I leave you with light, love, and high vibrations! Toodles. Talk soon.
This!!!! I was for me girl! Miss you. – Kiana
Kiana!!!!! You blessed my heart being the first comment on my blog.Thank you so much for reading girlfriend! So glad it resonated. Love you and miss you!